


Surviving

by navaan



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Fandom Stocking 2015, Mentions of Forced Prostitution, Pre-Canon, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5639995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finnick is a survivor not a victor. Annie Cresta doesn't seem cut out to be either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surviving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



He’s a winner, not just a survivor. Careers don’t go into the arena like the lambs to the slaughter. They, other than the kids from the untrained districts, don’t just have a better chance: They choose their own destiny and try to grasp it with both hands and bend it. And if they succeed, there is glory to be had.

This is what kids in the career districts are told.

Surprisingly it’s the more innocent, more naive part of Finnick that believes it. Because there are always whispers in 4.

When he enters the games it’s because trainers and school mentors tell him, it’s the best way for an orphan to decide his fate. Alone he can’t forever survive in 4, but if he survives the games alone, he’s made. It's a simple logic.

He believes it, the tantalizing glory, beckoning and tempting.

He believes it right until he gets on the train. Right until Mags sadly smiles at him and Marnie Yarn, the crying girl who was reaped beside him, with the eyes of a victor who would have spared them this if she could have. To see that in the eyes of a victor makes him think.

This is the first time he gets an inkling that being the survivor, does not necessarily make you the winner.

He’s too young to understand it yet.

By the time he understands it he’s a killer, a victor, a victim and forever just a pawn. The blood on his hands is as damning as the ghosting memory of fingers on his hips, of taunting, possessive kisses. 

Winning is a lie. Victors are not winners. But some of them are survivors and they band together support each other as they go on surviving.

Finnick is a survivor.

* * *

Annie Cresta is not a career. She’s not a winner. She’s not a survivor. It seems like a mercy.

To him she’s just a poor girl from 4 who will not have much of a chance in the games. She’s seen her kind dying on TV before and Finnick and Mags have been involved with that in too many years now. Finnick tries to leave her to Mags most of the time and instead wills himself to mentor the boy as best he can. He might stand a chance.

Even though they’ve only started their trip towards the Capitol Finnick has his smile schooled into place and he wonders if now it looks as sad as Mags looked that first day. Who of them is the lucky one?

The girl who is going towards a hopefully quick end? The boy who has a chance to get where Finnick is now?

Just now, thinking about the Capitol, about the _faithfully waiting_ fans he has there, Finnick thinks there is just one answer to that.

And then Annie smiles at him, shyly.

She’s much too young to be discarded, as if her life is worth nothing.

Her smile is beautiful and true - in a world where truth has no place.

Finnick smiles back and feels like a traitor. It's all so sad.

* * *

Finnick coordinates and strategizes and Mags mostly leaves him to it. He’s had a rough first week in the Capitol and she knows his mask is slipping. He needs this to keep himself sane, as insane as it is.

The boy dies. Actually, he doesn’t die, he’s executed and it's horrible to watch.

Annie watches too and she looses it after.

Finnick’s heart goes out to her. She’s true, all true and real, no subterfuge, no playing up the drama for the cameras. She’s shocked by the violence, by the reality and extent of violence. So is Finnick. He’s seen worse perhaps, killed without remorse just like that, but that doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse.

He killed to win and survive.

But was it actually worth it?

Annie hides. Finnick spins a story for the sponsors that only half catches. He sends her a hint. “Hide as long as you can”. 

He wants her to survive with all his heart. Poor little girl in the arena. Knows it's a futile hope.

Then the water comes.

An arena made for a tribute from 4.

Annie surprises everyone.

She’s a survivor.

Watching her struggle against the flood, keep her head above the water, treading and floating, preserving strength and keeping herself up, teaches Finnick a valuable lesson about his life: Surviving is not victory - it’s a struggle and it never just over and it never leaves you without cracks, never leaves you whole. Only few can survive, because it chips away at you and only those go on who are broken without shattering.

At the end of the day District 4 has another victor.

Finnick isn’t sure how he feels about it.

* * *

For the first days between interviews and recaps and crowning, Annie doesn sleep. She barely speaks. It’s hard to keep her in the right shape for the show. Mags tries to console her. Finnick doesn’t dare.

But when he sneaks back into the suite after a bad, bad night, mascara smeared down his face, alcohol the only thing that keeps him from feeling, from feeling too disgusted to stand it, she’s in her room screaming at the top of her lungs. It’s terrible. So awful and terrible, he can’t stand it. Never before has any sound affected him like this.

He stumbles into her room, he ends up beside her on the bed.

She struggles. He hugs her. He whispers: “I’m here. I understand.”

“Tell me it’s going to get better,” she begs.

But that would be lying. “I’ll never lie to you, Annie,” he promises. “This world is false, but I’ll never lie to you.”

He has no idea when the sobs reaching his ears have stopped being hers and started being his, when his comforting embraced has turned into her arms around his shaking shoulder. They cry together for a while.

Not victors, survivors.

“I’m here,” Annie echoes his words from before. “I’m here.”

For this memory they are only children who had to grow up too fast. Tomorrow they’ll be victors again.

But not winners.

At least now they are not carrying the load alone.

Annie kisses his brow and it’s so different from all the touches, all the kisses he’s received tonight. He strokes her hair and feels nothing like lust or passion, just shameless wonder. This is the only light, the only truth in the dark morass of Capitol lies. 

He’s still not sure surviving is a good things.

Perhaps it’s not just a bad thing at least.


End file.
